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[27 Nov 2009|07:13pm] |
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mood |
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 sentimental |
] |
Left from Grandmom's during Thanksgiving, feeling very sentimental. :( Left home today to come to the apartment, feeling very sentimental. :(
I'm feeling very sentimental all around, like I can communicate and love again, openly. Close family really is more important than anything else at the end of the day.
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| ** CALL OUT TO ARTSTS !! ** |
[25 Nov 2009|12:32am] |
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mood |
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 jubilant |
] |
*** Attention artists! ***
This is for a college project. I'm making a webpage featuring a gallery of a variety of artist's works. I need people to draw/paint/sketch half of the right side of a face (the subject's right, and you can use an already completed work as long as you made it, or have permission from the artist), and any photograph of a face of your choice for the left half of the face. I'm interested in what people will come up with. Please put your name, initials, or some manner of ownership either on the work or in the description and send it to vividarchetype@gmail.com. Also please comment in this post that you contributed, so I can make sure that I got your email. I'll post the gallery's website here so everyone can view it. The website should be done by mid December. Multiple submissions are welcomed.
I'll highly appreciate any contributions, but please submit your work or works before December 12th.
Thank you!
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[18 Nov 2009|04:18pm] |
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I need to free my mind, I need to get there again.
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| On School |
[18 Nov 2009|04:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 embarrassed |
] |
Okay I need to get down to the essence of what my problems are, because I'm getting on my, and I'm sure, everyone else's nerves.
Problem: I feel like I don't fit in school; I feel like I am not liked; I feel like I'm too old; I feel like I dress ugly and I'm unfeminine; I get blindsighted by how my creations don't seem to measure up; I'm suprised that noone seems to really want to look at my stuff; a part of me's wondeirng if I'm good enough to get a job after this.
Reality: I don't usually fit in school, or with people ANYWHERE, aside from AACC where I felt the close to it, but everyone was so egalitarian, kind, and down to earth there; people don't hate me either, they just don't know how to react to me, especially when I'm being quiet or afraid to speak, a part of me would like to think that they just don't want to hurt my feelings, but a part of that is actually really hurts me, meaning that I'm being pitied; people go to college at all ages, just don't feel like you have to act like you're 19 again; I always dressed as someone either older or younger than myself, the recent trend dressing like someone younger with my various 'cute' and 'artsy' print t-shirts, I've also always had problems with finding a wardrobe that I was happy with, I shouldn't focus too much on clothing because it really doesn't matter and is just another part of obsessive compulsive disorder that I can cling to; in actuality I don't have particularly low grades in my classes, just in comparison to everyone else, my stuff is just so much more different, I've always approuched art from a different perspective; these people are from a different generation, not just from a different generation but a part of the 'hip', 'in' crowd, perhaps they've had different influences in their life than me, have definitely been exposed to more by being social and up to date, and the fact that I'm not social might make them less inclined to talk about, or rather through my work, since they already feel like they can't relate to me since I don't talk; I may not be the flashiest student there, but my fundamentals are solid, and I'd like to think that I'd know what to do when the situation presented itself to me, also I can have a lot of charisma when I want to for a job interview, and I'm apologetic and always willing to get better and work harder.
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[09 Nov 2009|03:38am] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
] |
Is it weird to just realize one day that you really love your family and that what they think of you genuinely matters?
We have absolutely nothing in common besides loving things that make us laugh, but they're really important to me and I don't want to have a single bad relationship with any one of them.
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[25 Oct 2009|07:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 determined |
] |
Ever had a time in your life where you thought you were grower stronger, when you were really only becoming weaker?
The past two years of my life, baby!
**
On page.. 49 of my animation assignment.. And I haven't even drawn half of the most important part..
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| stop going to ygallery |
[13 Oct 2009|01:04am] |
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BIue witch (12:44:28 AM): http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/217027/
Thatsawhistletip (12:44:42 AM): ROFL
Thatsawhistletip (12:44:55 AM): Ew wow
Thatsawhistletip (12:44:57 AM): So no right
BIue witch (12:45:01 AM): you know that sound in aladdin
Thatsawhistletip (12:45:08 AM): Look at Nightcrawler all freaked out
BIue witch (12:45:09 AM): when jafar and eago imagine their head being cut off
Thatsawhistletip (12:45:10 AM): Like
BIue witch (12:45:13 AM): i'm hearing that
Thatsawhistletip (12:45:23 AM): "Ach mein gott, how drunk vas I?"
Thatsawhistletip (12:45:38 AM): Yes lol
BIue witch (12:46:34 AM): http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/246137/
Thatsawhistletip (12:46:58 AM): wtf---
Thatsawhistletip (12:47:00 AM): NO
BIue witch (12:47:09 AM): http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/353150/
BIue witch (12:47:20 AM): http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/136253/ ROFL
Thatsawhistletip (12:47:23 AM): VERY NOOO
Thatsawhistletip (12:47:42 AM): He's got WAY more bush than he has dick.
BIue witch (12:47:49 AM): http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/138218/ "NOONE SAYS NO TO GASTON!"
Thatsawhistletip (12:47:57 AM): I can't see the tree for the forest.
BIue witch (12:48:22 AM): look ay it
BeardedLadysClam (12:48:32 AM): I did. I was disappoint.
BeardedLadysClam (12:49:32 AM): WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS
BIue witch (12:49:54 AM): i informed her that i thought that was geston
BIue witch (12:50:05 AM): ohmy gosh
BIue witch (12:50:11 AM): your birthday present to me
Thatsawhistletip (12:50:18 AM): rofl
Thatsawhistletip (12:50:19 AM): No
BIue witch (12:50:20 AM): is rewriting allt hose lyrics for this picture
BIue witch (12:50:25 AM): then posting it in there
BIue witch (12:50:32 AM): commenting to my picture
BIue witch (12:50:37 AM): and making her really confused
BIue witch (12:50:50 AM): ROFL
Thatsawhistletip (12:50:51 AM): That prince has tangled with the wrong man! No one says "no" to Gaston!
Thatsawhistletip (12:51:33 AM): Heh! Darn right!
Thatsawhistletip (12:51:52 AM): Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear!
BIue witch (12:52:08 AM): oh god
BIue witch (12:52:10 AM): my eyes
Thatsawhistletip (12:52:37 AM): I don't remember The Emperor's New Groove well enough to do this justice.
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| LOL |
[11 Oct 2009|06:59pm] |
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(6:57:19 PM): I was like "Thank you. Douzo Yoroshiku. /shitsbrix"
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[11 Oct 2009|12:37am] |
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mood |
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 rushed |
] |
I never thought doing creative assigments would take up more time than math or science. I was worng.
At least I don't hate the assignments I'm doing though lol.
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[03 Oct 2009|04:10am] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
Adobe Illustrator is the most annoying program ever made. Someone help me lol.
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| this is probably already in a book somewhere (my theories) |
[25 Aug 2009|08:39am] |
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mood |
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 relieved |
] |
I've been reading the book The Alphabet Versus the Goddess by Leonard Shlain for some time now. The author offers his theories on misogyny through out history, and bases them on a shift from a more balanced hemispheric dominance of the brain, to a left-centric one. He attributes this shift on the introduction of the written word.
It's an amazing book and a very fun read, but the more I read it, the more I affirm that people really are worse now than they were thousands or even hundreds of years ago.
Simply put, your right hemisphere is the emotional part of your brain that makes you feel that you exist, and are a part of something. It's also perceives the world concretely (through images and in color), taking in details simultaneously, to form one big picture. This picture needs no explanation, because your intuition tells you that it just 'is.' The ability to appreciate music, art, and humor are all right brained functions. The capacity to create them are examples of both sides of the brain working together.
Your left hemisphere was formed years later to house the exclusive human understanding of logic. It's also what processes abstract symbols (letters and numbers) and attributes them to specific meanings. This part of your brain thinks in details, one after the other, instead of processing them all at once to come to a conclusion. An important detail of the left hemisphere is that it's what's responsible for us experiencing an individual ego. It's our will, and it's what makes us act. It creates a dualism that separates us from one another, because we have the capacity to realize you and me. We experience the individual being through our ego, instead of the collective existence through our intuition. I imagine that's what leads most of us to find a reason for living, since we have such an unrest inside ourselves. We're cut off from that universal feeling of existence as a whole, that even prehistoric man experienced. What a price to pay for sophistication.
Anyway, I theorize that man is more worse off now than ever before, because his ego is feeling more and more particular unrest the more left-brained oriented we become. I haven't finished this book yet (2/3 done), but I'd imagine that this would be a simple, yet quite possible conclusion to make.
We create more problems each time we get what we perceive we want. In example, we invent for convenience's sake only to have more time available for work, and we ignore our families like never before. Every time our individual ego is hurt, we find more and more outrageous ways to fill it back up inside, because we have no deep, long lasting bonds with friends or family to fulfill our existence. Revolutions have taken place, and yet the you, me, him, and her perspective has never before been so glaring as it is now. There's never been a time in recorded history where female genital mutilation has been practiced until recently, and this is the point in the book that made me want to write this post. This abnormal practice is yet another desperate attempt to quench an ever-growing, yet increasingly delicate ego. Because, as the ego expands, it creates more and more unrest, because it's cutting itself off from the very old and basic functions of the right hemisphere of the brain. Conversely, by releasing the ego and accepting things as they are (even your own imperfections) because you understand that in the grand scheme of things those details don't matter, you'll be tapping into the right side your brain, and personal fulfillment, because you feel that you exist as everything else exists, will occur.
You know, I've always been trying to find the right words to explain this spot on feeling of ego causing personal dissatisfaction, but now I finally have a context and reasoning to back it up (to a degree that's as much possible as it can be explained, until leaps in science are made).
**
Okay, so going to bed now.
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| talking about a used jeep i'm getting |
[20 Aug 2009|04:28am] |
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mood |
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 amused |
] |
BIue witch (2:05:57 AM): http://www.uncrate.com/men/images/2007-jeep-rubicon.jpg
BIue witch (2:05:58 AM): like that
BIue witch (2:06:00 AM): only old as dirt
BIue witch (2:06:03 AM): i imagine
BIue witch (2:06:11 AM): (i've never been to where he lives now and have never seen the car)
BIue witch (2:06:16 AM): i've only been to where my dad lives once lol
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:06:21 AM): that's a bit rude, there can be new dirt
BIue witch (2:06:21 AM): at his old place
BIue witch (2:06:29 AM): rofl
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:06:44 AM): well a car is a car
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:06:58 AM): that goes with out saying though
BIue witch (2:07:04 AM): definitely
BIue witch (2:07:11 AM): not going to put it down when i need it
BIue witch (2:07:14 AM): but i can mock it a bit >>
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:07:25 AM): you will fall in love with it im sure
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:07:30 AM): just because it is yours
BIue witch (2:07:34 AM): http://cache.jalopnik.com/assets/resources/2008/04/Platypus-Jeep.jpg too bad mine can't go in water
BIue witch (2:07:42 AM): yeah probably xD
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:07:45 AM): jkdfipspwdijpoewripo
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:07:47 AM): LSMOSMOMS
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:07:49 AM): IS THAT REAL
BIue witch (2:07:49 AM): ROFL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:07:51 AM): LMFAOOAO
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:07:57 AM): LOOOOOOOOOOOOL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:07:58 AM): HOW DUMB
BIue witch (2:08:04 AM): LOL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:08:17 AM): LMFAO if i ever saw that white piece of shit i would ram it
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:08:20 AM): right off the road
BIue witch (2:08:26 AM): The Amphibious Platypus Jeep
BIue witch (2:08:51 AM): rofl
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:08:52 AM): OMGH POOMG DO YOU SEE IT SWIMMING
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:08:54 AM): LOLOLOLOLOL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:09:06 AM): ITS DOING THE DOGGY PADDLE
BIue witch (2:09:09 AM): my text won't not be bold when i'm typing it
BIue witch (2:09:17 AM): ROFL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:09:23 AM): omfggg
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:09:38 AM): im saving this picture
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:09:39 AM): and one day
BIue witch (2:09:43 AM): LOL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:09:48 AM): i will buy one of these, and we will hit the open water
BIue witch (2:10:00 AM): http://jalopnik.com/photogallery/platypus/1001256691
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:10:03 AM): LOL @ spare tire on roof
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:10:06 AM): XD XD XD
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:10:23 AM): omg
BIue witch (2:10:25 AM): looks like a duck
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:10:28 AM): lmfaooo
BIue witch (2:10:32 AM): :> i'm a jeep, no rly
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:10:37 AM): LOL!!!!!!! PADDLE
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:10:39 AM): PADDLE ALERT
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:10:42 AM): LMFAOSOPPSPS
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:10:48 AM): CAN YOU IMAGINE SOMEONE PADDLING
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:10:49 AM): thtq thing
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:10:51 AM): lmfoaoafoafoafo
BIue witch (2:10:51 AM): ROFL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:11:01 AM): oh god i cant take it
BIue witch (2:11:12 AM): 'bobby, go out and paddle our monstrocity'
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:11:15 AM): LMAO
BIue witch (2:11:25 AM): 'but dad i always have to'
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:11:32 AM): 'i spent yor college education on this, go padde it'
BIue witch (2:11:42 AM): 'don't make me get the belt... which is also a neck tie'
BIue witch (2:11:46 AM): ROFLAET
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:11:51 AM): Lmaooooooooooo
BIue witch (2:11:56 AM): i'm laughing at my own jokes
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:12:05 AM): Imagine a big sail
BIue witch (2:12:06 AM): because i couldn't think of a hybrid belt
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:12:06 AM): on it
BIue witch (2:12:16 AM): LOL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:12:21 AM): lmao
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:12:28 AM): a casual old timer fishing
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:12:29 AM): LFMAOOO
BIue witch (2:12:47 AM): http://jalopnik.com/photogallery/platypus/1001256675 am i cool yet
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:00 AM): omggggggg lmfao
BIue witch (2:13:06 AM): the windows are so odd
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:10 AM): imagine being on a boat seeing that?!
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:11 AM): Lmfaoo
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:15 AM): a cruise shio
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:16 AM): *ship
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:20 AM): "WTF IS THAT!"
BIue witch (2:13:27 AM): did i ever tell you that i saw the bat mobile twice?
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:31 AM): ......
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:32 AM): .....................
BIue witch (2:13:35 AM): seriously
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:35 AM): ............
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:40 AM): WHAT
BIue witch (2:13:42 AM): both while going to or at my jobs
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:49 AM): WHAT
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:51 AM): !
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:13:51 AM): ?
BIue witch (2:13:53 AM): i was working at a crappy retail job in walking distance when i was like 19
BIue witch (2:14:04 AM): and at the gas station, someone was filling up their batman mobile lol
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:14:24 AM): and you thought it would be a good idea NOT to take a picture?
BIue witch (2:14:34 AM): zoom 3 years later. i saw it driving next to me on the way to a different job
BIue witch (2:14:38 AM): someone in my area
BIue witch (2:14:40 AM): has a batman mobile
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:14:45 AM): i would really really jizz my pants
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:14:49 AM): and nut all over the windshie;d
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:14:52 AM): *windshield
BIue witch (2:14:55 AM): AND I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW IT and i think everyone thinks i'm crazy
BIue witch (2:14:58 AM): but it was the batman mobile
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:15:02 AM): lmfao
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:15:17 AM): can you please stop calling it the batman mobile you complete newb
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:15:22 AM): it's the batmobile
BIue witch (2:15:23 AM): i lol'd each time but i didn't have a camera
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:15:23 AM): you dork
BIue witch (2:15:30 AM): second time i had a camera phone but he got away
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:15:37 AM): Lmfao who calls it the batman mobile
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:15:42 AM): lmfaoooo
BIue witch (2:15:42 AM): ROFL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:15:45 AM): you so so fail
BIue witch (2:15:45 AM): batmobile
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:16:10 AM): 'quick robin, use your batman bat batarang'
BIue witch (2:16:18 AM): ;_; batman's mobile vehicle
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:16:21 AM): lmfao
BIue witch (2:16:25 AM): ROFL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:16:28 AM): batman traded in for the platypus jeep
BIue witch (2:16:37 AM): HAaet
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:16:40 AM): lmfao
BIue witch (2:16:49 AM): just reading the words platypus jeep
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:16:55 AM): lmfaoooo
BIue witch (2:16:58 AM): say it out loud
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:16:59 AM): batypus jeep
BIue witch (2:17:00 AM): even better
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:17:00 AM): ROFL
BIue witch (2:17:15 AM): james bond looks at him weird
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:17:24 AM): ---and then buys one himself
BIue witch (2:17:29 AM): imagining sean connery with a lifted eyebrow
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:17:33 AM): lmfao
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:17:39 AM): 'by god what is that thing'
BIue witch (2:17:41 AM): ROFL
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:17:45 AM): '.....i must have it'
BIue witch (2:17:48 AM): eareteat
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:17:49 AM): '...and two naked women'
BIue witch (2:18:00 AM): oh man
SoundsLikeJoe467 (2:18:01 AM): '..........and install lasers...many..many lasers.'
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[19 Aug 2009|11:25pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
] |
I'm falling back into my right-brained habbits (thought I'll use my left brained function when it's the only alternative or the best way to tackle a situation), and it's making me saaddd in a different way than using my left brain makes me feel depressed. It offers me more ability to relate to people emotionally, and react when they speak to me with emotion in turn. Yet it makes me feel left out on everything that people term common knowledge or deem an everyday solution. It's really hard to put into words how isolated it makes me feel, and how ill-designed the world is for my brain. I can't live as a left-brained person (as it makes me feel discontented, and isolated from myself), yet it is still very difficult living as a right-brained person, as it is awkward, and blows many hits to my self esteem and pride. It makes me feel that even if I can relate to people on an emotional level, I still feel alien in all the details in between. I see and understand why people do things (for the most part) and yet I agonize on how different I decipher a situation and how juxtaposed my solution is from theirs. What's sad is I'm not that better off when employing left-brained tactics. I still screw up and am immenseley awkward. But perhaps when I'm in right-brain mode, it's even more pronounced, and my often languid passivity comes out, which people mistake for weakness. When like that, I'm afraid it makes me come off as more of a pathetic throw rug. The difficulties associated with heavy left-brained use is that I'm unable to express the depths of my emotions (and they're needed more often than you could realize in the normal situations), and I come off as cold or calculative or perhaps even abrupt.
This isn't me being a drama queen as much as it's the obnoxious, paradoxal truth. I think regardless, lying yo yourself never gets anyone anywhere unless you have impulses to rob a bank that you need to control. I still have to balance out everyday situations, and learn a practical way to express myself, and perhaps moments when to hide myself. It's just over thinking every step I take that's the problem. But when I see red and everyone else is seeing blue, it's more difficult than of a problem than it needs to be.
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| how bad is this? |
[28 Jul 2009|05:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
And yes, I'm talking to my friend that isn't there lol.
**
BIue witch (3:28:37 AM): this is bad
BIue witch (3:28:47 AM): i'm having second thoughts of being an animator based on
BIue witch (3:29:01 AM): what i think is pure intuition. >_>
BIue witch (3:29:13 AM): i'm wondering if, when scheduling my classes, i should go down the illustrator route.
BIue witch (3:29:53 AM): i want to be an animator in ways, but i might be more cut out to be an illustrator, not that one is a heiarchy over the other
BIue witch (3:31:51 AM): this isn't a matter of being 'good enough' just by how i think. a right brain's grace might be more suited for the latter.
BIue witch (3:32:33 AM): baaahh last minute decisions/thoughts like this might be bad
BIue witch (3:33:49 AM): this dialogue box'll probably cut me off before i can say everything, but you know how i've been saying i'm trying to be more left brain to 'balance out' my brain?
BIue witch (3:34:11 AM): it's sort of short circuiting me on things i natural do in art, and am good at in art.
BIue witch (3:34:48 AM): and honestly, what i'm good at in art is nonsensical, static. colors. patterns. textures
BIue witch (3:35:09 AM): well objective abstract rather.
BIue witch (3:35:22 AM): animation involves a lot of cemented, believability
BIue witch (3:35:29 AM): i'm not sure if i could be cut out for that
BIue witch (3:35:56 AM): day after day, frame after frame kinda deal.
BIue witch (3:36:03 AM): i might even be bad at it
BIue witch (3:36:11 AM): it might sap me
BIue witch (3:36:23 AM): because it's thinking differently/not my natural tendency
BIue witch (3:36:41 AM): no matter how much i'd like to pursue it. it goes against my grain, basically
**
Maybe I should do something weird, and explain what I'm good at and bad at to my counselor that I'm meeting up with this Wednesday. Maybe she can help define what's better for me, based on such things.
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[28 Jul 2009|03:21am] |
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mood |
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working |
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music |
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Kate Bush -- Running Up that Hill |
] |
Right.
I think I have to find my own place in the art world, even if people might not like or understand it.
Sorry for being illogical.
This weird internal dialogue is going to consume me if I don't express it.
Left.
I have a way of thinking that cuts me off from other people, even if I feel more a part of things as a whole, when I express myself.
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elusive_dreamer's journal
meditative
sleepy
