Memories of Life [21 Dec 2008|03:51am] [ mood | jubilant ] [ music | Final Fantasy IX -- Melodies of Life ] Baaw. I really miss the olden days. I was just thinking about how I used to recapture memories and replay them over and over again like a storybook in my mind. I used to do that to make me feel good, to remind me of myself and my past; I want them to be present within me. I know it always is, but just so subconsciously. We try, but we can never change completely. We change for the better, for the worse, but essentially we're the same. Call me naieve but I always think that universally, that's something innocent.. You can look at an adult at any given time, having them 50 or 80, and you'll still see that same essential humanity that reeks of freshness and newfoundness. I think innocence exists in the human mind and spirit as long as that one human being has yet to conquer and discover everything that exists to be discovered. So that innocence is always there, even if it's buried deeper in some. Living with my Grandmom during my junior year, for whatever reason, was one of the most poignant memories I have. A lot was going on internally then. I was escaping North East to live in a high school where I hopefully didn't have to be afraid and tortured, and was coming back to live with the second other person who's ever made me feel truly connected to the human race. I hadn't lived with her since I was eight, and now I was coming back home at sixteen. It was like a proper amount of time had passed, and it was testing the new anew with her again. I can't deny that I hadn't grown up much; my anxieties were high as ever, and my depression just as deep. Every party, every get together was so painful and to this day I'm still not sure exactly why. I've always felt so disconnected, at how I saw all this love and contentment around me, and how I was never able to reach it. From such a small child up, this has plagued me immensely. There hasn't been a point in my life where my feelings have felt at ease, except when I do art, or when I watch a story that's immense, or hear a piece of music that's beautiful.. I think I'm beginning to realize now, that this is the real reason why I get so frustrated when entertainment is desaturated, and expects praise for its idea, without the effect, artform or execution being put into question. Entertainment that caters to the purely extroverted crowd worries me. When something's popular by the mere rule of association, so others can pretend to relate to one another because they like the same thing, bothers me . I can't blame the person, because noone wants to be lonely, but I do blame the creator for unleashing something that offers so little emotional awareness or impact, that's lowering the scale rather than raising it. Because you see, so many people like me then (and me now), still need these escapes, these beautiful reminders of the truth and love in the world, no matter how corny. As long as it's clear that the creators meant a genuine attempt, I can see no fault. I guess that's always been a rule of mine. If it seems like they tried their hardest, and they meant the best, without shrinking to new lows, the entertainment is adequate in the least, and art at its best. Yeah, I should remember that for future reference.. Anyway, at that time with my Grandmom, I still had my problems naturally, and still got lonely often. The greatest outlet of all was my videogames, though to me it was more like my escapist stories, my movies that I played through as a spectator, yet was a part of, as I empathized with the characters. I was so sad every time I had to take back Chrono Cross (which I got a Christmas later when I moved back to Mickey's and Mom's). One time I even pitched a fight with tears, similar to any child's and she rerented it for me. Looking back I was such a ten-year-old in a sixteen-year-olds body. Now, does that mean I've finally reached eighteen? I know I've taken a long time to mature, I think it's because I tend to cling to the past, and dismiss change. This is truly a fault of mine. Final Fantasy IX was another game that I bought and completed at Grandmom's. I loved that game so much. It was literally meant to be the good feeling fluff of the Final Fantasy series, I'm convinced. A Water Bender (1:19:25 AM): well there's two fmvs A Water Bender (1:19:30 AM): that you can't miss in ffix A Water Bender (1:19:32 AM): cause they're adorable twice inflicted (1:19:55 AM): oh? ;x A Water Bender (1:20:32 AM): also the singing scene ;_; A Water Bender (1:20:37 AM): the singing scenes was also so <3 twice inflicted (1:21:03 AM): Maybe I should visit sometime and have ya beat the game for me.. ^-^ A Water Bender (1:22:10 AM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGDSsS9NfDo&feature=related A Water Bender (1:22:14 AM): such great memories A Water Bender (1:22:45 AM): i was so alone feeling my sophmore year of highschool at my grandmom's, trying out a new school because my old one depressed me so A Water Bender (1:22:53 AM): i had such a wonderful outlet through games A Water Bender (1:24:01 AM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVbb3O1vrTA&feature=related probably my favorite XD twice inflicted (1:25:02 AM): Aw.. ::hugs, jus' 'cause.. and watches..:: twice inflicted (1:26:06 AM): hah.. >D A Water Bender (1:26:57 AM): -hugs- :3 A Water Bender (1:27:15 AM): it's almost like some of these great moments existed just for me, to help me get through bad times A Water Bender (1:27:22 AM): i miss nonsensical, but good feeling things like that A Water Bender (1:27:54 AM): now things seem to be the opposite.. not that i need that extra crutch anymore. but i miss it A Water Bender (1:28:01 AM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rjrLjDbCVc also nice A Water Bender (1:29:59 AM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUFauVeFZU&feature=related ;_; lil 30 second gems A Water Bender (1:32:25 AM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh0kJ1pZaSM before i get too ahead of myself and bore you with this stuff.. this is the best ff ending imo twice inflicted (1:35:17 AM): heh, if I'm quiet, don't worry, just watching.. ;x A Water Bender (1:36:12 AM): leading upto that scene she thinks that Zidane is dead. and sometime later they hold a play. he recites something familiar i think, then throws off his cloak and it's him. xD -old fashioned romantic- twice inflicted (1:37:51 AM): lol, nice.. >D It's interesting, seems like a lot of the cutscenes in games after this had voice-acting, and the ones before this at least had the text.. the lack of voice is interesting, kinda whimsicle.. twice inflicted (1:38:15 AM): or.. whimsical* maybe.. o.o; not sure how it's spelled.. A Water Bender (1:38:22 AM): yeah they had to convey so many things without words A Water Bender (1:38:28 AM): i liked that though A Water Bender (1:39:18 AM): rofl my Grandmom liked that ending song A Water Bender (1:39:21 AM): she thought it was pretty twice inflicted (1:41:23 AM): Yeah.. there's a lot of art in making games like this, a lot more, I think, than the more popular stuff like FPSs or strategy games or whatever.. and the FF series always was incredible, as far as a story.. always very immersive and engaging.. ::nod:: A Water Bender (1:43:23 AM): yeah. i like character driven rather than gameplay. story + characters = priority. i don't care if the gameplay is catching chickens in plastic bags.. lol just give me a good story, i'd love to play a movie A Water Bender (1:47:46 AM): but yeah, ffix is the most innocent and genuinely heartfelt of the series i've seen A Water Bender (1:47:59 AM): like i think it exists to be the fuzzyfeeling of the ff genre twice inflicted (1:48:27 AM): heh, it does seem cute.. =) A Water Bender (1:48:34 AM): and no matter how silly something is, i can't knock of for doing that xD A Water Bender (1:48:47 AM): just kinda spreading the positive energy twice inflicted (1:50:14 AM): Yeah, I like things that spread positive feelings too.. ^-^ A Water Bender (1:52:21 AM): that's all that's needed often :3 twice inflicted (2:00:52 AM): Yeah =) A Water Bender (2:02:41 AM): it must be so weird to get elderly A Water Bender (2:02:51 AM): i hope i never lose my younger memories twice inflicted (2:08:10 AM): mm, well I don't think you'll forget the things that defined who you were..? A Water Bender (2:13:47 AM): i think some people do. i think most people do. so many don't have time to smell the roses, let alone let it dawn on them, what truly makes them who they are to their core twice inflicted (2:16:38 AM): mm.. well, I can't say I believe everyone thinks as deeply as others.. some people are content being as they are, and they.. progress through life, and change, and don't question it.. for others the past is important, and they hold onto it tightly... twice inflicted (2:17:22 AM): I think.. what makes a person who they are, to their core, isn't something that can be percieved with the mind, and thus it can't be forgotten.. it's something that stays with us through the years, despite how we change.. A Water Bender (2:17:49 AM): :o oh you're good at this A Water Bender (2:17:55 AM): lol A Water Bender (2:18:22 AM): lots of times i don't get serious responses for beinging up things such as the above A Water Bender (2:18:32 AM): so i appreciate it ^^ twice inflicted (2:22:36 AM): lol, no worries, I actually tend to think about it a lot, along with other similar things, spiritual, philosophical, ephemeral.. in truth, I'm somewhat following Taoism, and seeking enlightenment as well, though it frequently seems impossible to achieve in a place like America.. ^-^; post comment

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